A devastated citizen of planet earth


I have been up much of the night, sick to my stomach. Part awful pizza that was stress scoffed down for dinner, part the gut wrenching reality that Donald Trump has been elected as POTUS. I am British, months on I have still not really processed Brexit and what that taught me about how my home country has changed in the last 10 years that I've lived in the US. I am shocked and disturbed that I'm experiencing this same, stomach knotting disappointment at society twice within just a few months. 
I'm appalled, beyond appalled, that racism, xenophobia, sexism, misogyny, homophobia and a suffocating rejection of inclusion has become the norm for the world in which we live. I am at an impasse that America watched along at the toxic, mentally and emotionally ravaging last 18 months of this presidential campaign and that much of the voting US, the place I now call home, still felt that Trump was the right candidate for this job. It is deeply worrying that those who support Trump are now validated in their decision, united in their hatred and the message this screams out to the world. 

But this is not normal, none of this is. 

I am horrified to witness this mass vitriol and resentment as an adult woman in a way I've never before experienced, in a world that I naively assumed only moved forward, and didn't look back. I am mixed race, I am a woman and never before have I felt that either of these things mattered or held me back in anyway. I have a newly reinforced appreciation for how fortunate that makes me. However, in today's political climate, I am having a moment of weakness because this feels personal. Because this is a vote against people I love; against my mom, my sisters, my nieces, my friends, my friends daughters and my co-workers. It's a vote against women, against people of color and against any and all minorities. This scares me, and I can't deny that. I won't deny that. If I did, it would only down play and desensitize this absolutely unbelievable modern day segregation.

I believed, really believed, that he would be going away today. Off to develop, for personal financial gain, his news network to further whip up fear among those too ill informed, or lacking curiosity, to ever question him. However, that is not the case and I'm in utter shock. 

But, the sun is shining today. Birds are singing outside, flowers are blooming in my garden and life is going on around me. Life goes on and we move forward, away from this. 
So today I allow myself to lick my wounds, process my disbelief, eat saltines (damn pizza) and feel weepy. But, this shall pass. Under my shock and grief, I already feel the fire in my belly burning. Burning hotter than hell to fight the good fight in the best, most positive way I can by being the best example of a Nasty Woman I can be for my friends, my family, my friends kids and to always keep the bigger picture, the bigger vision in the forefront of my mind.

This is an undeniable, devastating set back, but hate will never win and despite how this feels right now, this will not defeat us. 

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